10 Months.

At Moon Lake.  On Father's Day.

10 Months Today!

I just put Grayson down to sleep and well, it took a few hours.  I finally figured out that he was thirsty.  Thirsty.  After shooshing, rocking, nursing, begging, walking the floor, crying(both him and me)  I finally figured it out.  This is both awesome that I finally figured it out and horrifying.  No one told me that when your kid hurts you would cut your own arm off just to make it stop. 

There is no way to say this but just to say it:
This kid is my world.

A world that has changed oh so much in the past 10 months.  I went from a busy, rushing, demanding, workaholic who traveled the world and wouldn't take no for an answer to a stay at home mom.
(who, let's be honest, still doesn't take no for an answer)

I was TERRIFIED to have this life.

While I was pregnant, a couple times I just broke down to Doug about all of my fears.  Would he still love me when I was a Mom?  Would he still find me attractive post baby? Would we work as a couple after being so equal for our 8 year marriage?  Would I be ok not contributing monetarily to our household?  Would I get bored or feel too ordinary? Most of all, would I be able to need him more than I ever had before and be ok with that?

These were the questions that plagued me.  No, more than that. They haunted me.

Then I gave birth and Doug and I did it together.  He was nothing short of my perfect partner.  All of our long talks, classes and our trust in each other paid off and we got the best reward of all.  This little wizard of a baby.    I can say that I never dreamed that Doug and I could be so close or that I could feel as important, loved, supported, and yes, sexy :)
Don't get me wrong  it hasn't been all roses. I have also never felt so terrified, isolated, clueless, overwhelmed and stinky.  Some hours are just shitty.  But they pass and well, the ups are so worth the rest of it.

This little boy has changed us in ways I am not sure we expected.

He is magical. 

 I really didn't know life could be this good.  In a word, I have been stunned by just the pure magnitude of the feelings I have for this little creature who wakes us up every morning with a "bye bye!"  and pulls himself up on our legs while we brush our teeth.

For some reason 10 months is so much different than 9 months.  He has officially been in the world longer than he was inside of me.  This makes me ache for some reason that I can't quite explain.  He is acting more and more like a bone a fide kid and less like a cuddly cooing baby.  Every day he does something new.  Yesterday it was eskimo kissing Les(first person besides me)  today it was dancing to me singing in the shopping cart.
One day I tell him to give me a high five and he just does it!  This. Is.  Crazy.  This kid stuff is just surreal.  

I guess it is safe to say that I am enjoying the ride.  ALL of the many ups and downs(sometimes within minutes of each other) and just trying to cherish every second I have with this enchanting little boy. 
 He is now getting around as he pleases.  He pulls up on everything in sight, is saying "Hi", "Bye", "Mama", "Hi Dada", He barks at dogs and Gma Bench taught him to make monkey noises.  He also claps(and likes to make us clap), high fives(and we think he can say "high five")  There is just something new every day.

Oh, and this life, this life I was so terrified of hating?  I thank my lucky starts every single day that I get to live it.   How did I get so very lucky?

Looks more like swimming than crawling but it does the trick!

Blue.

Gone are the days of being able to have toilet paper on the actual roll.

"helping"

In front of UMOCA. Part of their "Play me, I'm Yours" installation.  There are a few of them around downtown. We stopped at this one on the way home from the grocery store.

Trying on headbands for our new cousin!

I sent this to Doug and work telling him it was time to move the crib down.

AAAANNND....stellar parenting moment in 3....2....1....This kid can EAT!

Yep, that is a plug(in my defense these are the best smiles I got this time--the mischievous kind)

I could watch you for a lifetime
Your my favorite movie.