Life lately. No she is not here yet.

Feeling lucky, enjoying our time together, snuggling, living outside as much as possible and just patiently awaiting our family to grow to include our little girl.  This is a magical and fleeting time, soon we will be 4 and not able to imagine anything else.  Until then 3 is very sweet indeed!

Us on our daily walks. 

Easter at G&G Bench's

Grayson has grown up with such a great community surrounding him!  Julie is his downtown Grandma and Mary(owner of Jade Market across the street)  is such a dear friend.

Easter Candy.

G and EE.  Grayson was not being so gracious in these pics, but it doesn't quite show(thankfully).  Such cuties!

"Tough Guy, with eggs."  He was mad that he had to stop eating candy to take a pic.

We are ready for you baby girl!  Leslie made dinner and we put this together as a family one night.  So grateful for my wonderful sister.  Don't know what I would do without her!(and thanks to her and Tom for the beautiful blanket!)

PJ's from G&G Weber.  He LOVES them(can you tell?)  Thanks Guys!

Because we are surrounded by such amazing people I am able to have a cup of tea, to myself, at the cafe around the corner once per week.  This has been my time to really sit and think about our new baby girl.  Every week I get the Rose Latte and PINK cookie :)  Thanks to all that make this possible--We love you!

Getting ready for our little girl

Doug, Mickelle, Grayson and ????

We are getting close.  We are nesting, we are snuggling, we are trying our best to explain to him about her, and trying to comprehend ourselves.  Life will never be the same and it is heartbreaking, scary and oh so sweet.  We are preparing the best we can for birth while trying to allow flexibility for all to happen as it needs to. 
Best of all, we get to meet our little girl soon, finally.  It seems like it has been a long time for me and yet it seems like it is coming too soon. 

Cleo stayed with us for a few days and Grayson loved teasing her by sitting in her bed.  Cleo didn't really seem to mind much.

This kid is hilarious!  He loves posing for the camera and just owns whatever I put on him.  So much like his Dad!

Helping Dada work.  They are already best buds!

One tired little boy--he just wants to keep walking, everyday.  Good for everyone, but he sometimes gets a little delirious.

"Choo, Choo!"  In Heber, in the trainyard, Grayson was in HEAVEN!

He decided to read on his own.  I was hanging laundry and this was my view. 

LOVES trains.  Possibly more than anyone I have ever met.

Had to call Doug at work because I couldn't figure out how to make this bride work and Grayson just kept saying over and over: "Dada?! Dada!?"

This kid knows how to work an outfit hugh? :) 

Daily snuggle time watching train videos on YOUTUBE. 

First time he has ever fallen asleep in his high chair after a Wed adventure with G&G Weber.

He begged and begged for us to let him out in this blizzard.  Utah kid already!

Me and my adorable niece EE

Train station at Gateway.  We walk through nearly every day to hear out echo and see this mural(of a choo choo)

After playing in the snow at Memory Grove.  He was kind of mad we were leaving, but after 2 hours I figured it was naptime!

Life as an Entreprenuers Wife

Bottom line?  It can sometimes be lonely.  Sometimes you feel like the luckiest person alive and sometimes you just feel alone.  I have never found a great way to deal with this loneliness.  Before we had Grayson I could predict when Doug would have a few busy months and so I would book my own schedule solid so that I wouldn't notice.  This was a different kind of lonely, but our fierce loyalty to one another, and our willingness to let each other live their dreams made it work.  Every year or so the big question of kids would come up and we would decide that we needed to wait for a better time.  It was the right decision.  Every year.  Then I realized my window to have children with my soul mate and the absolute best person I know was coming to a close.   We just needed to make it work.
We had watched Doug's business partner and his wife have 2 beautiful boys during our journey together and always wondered just HOW they managed to make it work.  We weren't sure we were made of the right stuff. 
We had a choice to make and we kind of just leapt.

It was the right choice, but it is a struggle every single day.

This past weekend was the first real chance in MONTHS Doug and I have had time to talk about names for our little girl, him to put up a baby gate, and to really TALK.  The stuff that makes us work, has definitely taken a back seat.  We sometimes don't talk during the week.  He always comes home to see G for an hour before he goes to bed and give me a second to breathe, but then it is just time to go to bed to start again at 5AM.  Often there are emails to answer or phone calls to have, these are the things that make a company go. I trust Doug, he always makes time for what is most important, there are just a lot of important stuff going on always.  Also this new phase in Mastery Connect is uncharted waters for us all. 
Relationships within the company are morphing and whether we like to admit it or not it affects our life outside of work.  There really is no choice.  Start up life is just that:  a different kind of life.  One we have always loved, still do love, but we are trying to figure out how to make everything work.

It is a work in progress but I just found a new to me blog that is discussing the very issues that are rolling around in our heads and taking over parts of our life.

Feld Thoughts
also his book
Startup Life, how to survive a relationship with an Entrepreneur

have become great resources for this Wife of an Entrepreneur. Grateful that there are others out there struggling through this amazing, albeit sometimes lonely life we have chosen.

It's a GIRL!

17.5 Month and Maternity Pics(32 ish weeks) ***WARNING***

***************Warning*****************
there are some photographs that you might not want to see
in this post.  If you disagree with partial nudity then please
refrain from reading this post and looking at the pics.

*********************************************

No, but seriously, you are about to see some partially nude pics of G and I so really, be sure to make sure you are up for that.



 ******************************MODESTY BUFFER********************************









I really thought long and hard about whether to post these pics but they are some of my favorite ever and I think they are so very beautiful.  It seems weird that I would never dream of posting partially nude pics of myself when I am NOT pregnant, but these pics, well, they are the most innocent I can think of.  Mama and babies.  Bodies from the bodies that made them.  It is too amazing for words and I just am in awe all the time of bodies, my body especially.  The way it has grown, changed, created, and felt. Doug did an amazing job with these photos.  I am really demanding and hard to photograph.  NO ONE wants to photograph the photographer!  He stuck it out and the result I am so very happy with!

These are my two babies.  TWO!  I cannot believe I am about to be a mother of 2 and also a mother of a little baby girl.  I think I am feeling everything you are supposed to: excitement, fear, overwhelming curiosity and much more.  I also feel so much guilt.  I cannot bear the though that Grayson will not have my full attention any longer, that he may feel feelings that I cannot shield him from, that he may feel left out or replaced.  These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, spinning, over and over.  My heart must have to break in order to make room for this little girl because that is what it seems is happening. 

Hurry up, wait, be patient....Never mind.

The past few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster to say the least and it is starting to wear on me.

Before I go on I would like to make sure it is known, that I know, that I am lucky beyond measure and happier than I would have ever thought possible.  I thank my lucky stars every. single. day.

With that said:

It seems that life has been building lego towers out of bits of our life, each piece needing to fit in to place at the right time and the exact right angle only to knock them down at the weirdest times.  Yes, I do know this IS life and how it goes, but the stakes are higher, the consequences bigger than they have ever been.  And I am 30 weeks pregnant, which is right about the time when pulling on my boots is overwhelming let alone large life changes.  

We have gone from house hunting in a new state to that being cancelled abruptly and unexpectedly, to a wild ride of a funding round for Masteryconnect(which thankfully ended very well), to breech baby girl, to sick, teething, no sleep toddler, to selling our rental and then not selling, this lonely and isolating flu season and inversion, our heater not working for a week, and also, buying a new car(much against our will) after deciding that we could, in fact, manage still with just one to maybe needing two because another decision we were basing other decisions on was not really made and is ongoing.

Sigh

 

And that is just the big stuff.

And me: huge, pregnant and with painful legs and a toddler that is on the go non stop. All the while attempting to keep it together because Doug is so very overwhelmed with what he is doing 12+ hours a day.

Again, remember I am NOT complaining, just overwhelmed, and in awe of well, LIFE and how it changes so fast.  

Part of this we chose.  Startup life is not for the faint of spirit.  The ups and downs of it all are part of what make it addicting to some.  It is what makes life interesting and is always a new puzzle to solve.

Sounds a lot like kids right?

Well, it is.

Add little kids in there and you have a recipe for needing everything else to remain the same:  Schedules, meals, naps,.....not, well, the entire list above.

And so, it leaves us wondering:  when will it settle down?  when will we be able to breathe?

The answer, it seems, is this:  This IS the good stuff, these are the good times.  Breathe them in, the good will eventually outweigh the bad and even if things do settle down, you will most likely wish for more excitement.  

Right now though, I would settle for a glass of red wine and an hour to figure out what we are having for dinner instead of listening to Grayson resisting his nap in favor of screaming for me.  Until then I will continue to try and make these moments my therapy.

 

All bundled up in our 58 degree house. 

He loves to read more than anything else

First real haircut.  He was fake smiling for the camera which was a first as well.

Christmas morning cuddle time while Doug made us breakfast.

Posing for pics with brand new adorable cousin E.E.

Our toddler tree.  No decorations at the bottom but we love it all the same.

The end of a very fun and adventurous era.  The Fit had to go so that our family can all be comfy and safe once the new baby comes.

Amazing scarf that Aunt Missy made him for Christmas this year!

Steering the cart and being cheerful.  What a cutie!

Eating breakfast in our warmest because the heat is still not working.

A quick hike with Dada.  Aren't they handsome?

Trying on our shoes is a new obsession.

Me:  Huge and pregnant with our little girl.

A new trick.  Time to change all of the doorknobs in our house!

Choo Choo!!!  This kid LOVES trains.