I am a Mom, we are parents. And it couldn't have been a more intense and perfect experience to have our first child.
The video is a glimpse into our first week together. What you don't see are the endless meals from loved ones, words of encouragement, love and understanding and just pure joy from every person we encountered that made so much of the precious time we had possible. Also you don't see Leslie, without whom Grayson's birth and the days following would have been much different. From photographer to chef to teaching us how to swaddle and bathe a new baby you were our guardian angel. Thank you forever Les. For everything.
To my mom and dad: thanks for trusting me and despite being scared to death for us to have a out of hospital birth, you were supportive and encouraging. Also thanks for being my parents--I know it hasn't always ever been easy.
To Doug's parents: thanks for raising such an amazing husband and father--without him and his undying support for me I would have(and always would) crumble.
To Rebecca-you are amazing and oh so wonderful. You have changed our lives for good and we will be forever grateful.
To Doug: There are no words. I just wish I could show you, every day, the kind of support, trust and warmth that you have shown me during this pregnancy and birth. There is no end to how much I admire, love and cherish you. Even if I could it would never be enough. I love you.
To Grayson: You are an amazing little boy--you are so very loved and I never knew just how much I could feel until now "when I picked you up and everything changed"
Doug's Grandpa Hawkins passed away a few weeks ago. We had the memorial service this past weekend which, as you may expect, caused me to reflect on my time with him the past8 years or so.
Mostly I heard things that I already knew: he was a very incredible man with a gift for listening and being supportive--even long distance. He was patient, humble. gracious and kind. All qualities that are hard won for most of us, but he possessed them all and had them on display, it seemed, at all times. One quality that I have always been particularly grateful is his ability to be accepting of Doug and I despite our lack of participation in his chosen faith(and the faith of almost everyone in his family except us) I always admired his approach to the subject. He never once treated us differently or shied away from hearing about our lives as they are--as scandalous as it may have seemed to him, he never flinched.
Please do not misunderstand, this does not mean that no one else in the family is not this way, quite the opposite actually, but Grandpa, as was stated MORE than once during the Memorial celebrating his life, had a truly special way of showing he cared. No prerequisites, no nonsense--he cared deeply and completely.
What a Hero, what a life he lead--he will be missed.
My Mom is an avid Neil Diamond Fan. She can't get enough, his music really hits a nerve with her and growing up, we all learned to appreciate "Neil Baby" as we lovingly call him: like it or not. Whether boating, camping, making dinner or in the car his songs(along with the likes of CCR, Buddy Holly and Simon and Garfunkel--thanks Daddy ;)) comprise the soundtrack of my childhood.
Even today, if my mom finds a song that speaks to her, about you, she makes sure to share it with you. This is something that I learned to appreciate and now relish in as an adult--even though my mom has gone severely to what I consider the dark side of music(Country) I still find it so flattering and overwhelming that she is always thinking of me--something I hope to understand one day when I have my own children.
I have always had an acute awareness of lyrics--In fact, one of my many memories with my Daddy is on a rare occasion, we were on a road trip together, just him and me. We were listening to one of his tapes(yes tapes) and I was singing along. He turned to me suddenly and said: "how do you know every single one of the words to every one of these songs?!" At the time I shrugged it off and we kept on driving--but that moment stuck with me for some reason-funny what we carry with us-- Even today I often will forgive hokey or otherwise untalented musicality for stirring lyrics(much to Doug's dismay)
I realize that using song lyrics to make a point can be corny but sometimes I just can't help it. I guess along with being a night owl and being flat chested Mom just passed that one right along. When I find a song that speaks to me I just feel connected to other people. I feel like I am not alone in being in love, happy, having a perfectly perfect day or being just plain devastated. Call it a coping mechanism, and mock it if you must, but it works for me.
While I was working out last week this song came on and I have to say, it opened my heart and healed it a little. It felt so good that I paused right in the middle of the sidewalk, closed my eyes and just basked in it.
I have a feeling that John Mayer is going to be my Neil Diamond All together now can I hear a "John Baby"? Ah well, maybe in 20 years I will be lucky enough to have Daughters that make fun of my somewhat questionable taste in music.
Until then: Here is one for Mom, One for Daddy I like to think that they were passing on wisdom and courage in the songs that they chose to serenade me with throughout my childhood. Guys, I listened.
Thanks now and always
Neil Baby:
"The Heart Of Life"
I hate to see you cry Lying there in that position There's things you need to hear So turn off your tears And listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around No it won't all go the way it should But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new Bad news never had good timing Then, circle of your friends Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around No it won't all go the way it should But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around Fear is a friend who's misunderstood But I know the heart of life is good I know it's good
Going through old files--MAN this seems like a long time ago when I used to do this for a living: sigh, sometimes I miss it. THEN I remember: never having a day off, never taking vacations, stressed out brides, stressed out mother of the brides, never seeing my husband, and oh yea having way too much DATA to back up---then I remember why I stopped :)
I have been kind of a slacker since we got home! Our trip to Japan was truly a once in a lifetime experience! Since we have been home it has been a flurry of events, shopping, decorating, and sending cards and packages.
This year we will be writing in our Journals and, as promised I am making our cd filled with "Christmas music" from both Doug and I's families.
Still working on the Box and Blanket but those will come with time.
Also, I managed to fill in every year since we have been married with ornaments so now we have 2003-2009 covered! It is such a fun tradition to have a family ornament--thanks MOM for teaching me the importance of that! Now our tree is full of memories from each year!
The Holidays are my FAVORITE time of year and this year has been no exception! I love the hustle and bustle, tons of family gatherings, reflecting on the year with pics, videos etc and cuddling up because it is COLD outside(now I just need to convince Doug that we need a fireplace :))
So far in my life I have managed to escape with a few, harmless, yet ferocious vices. They are, in no particular order: ice cream, bad tv and craigslist.
I have managed to avoid the oh so common: "I must have a cup a day of coffee in order to feel normal" -thing- but yesterday, while in Smiths something happened that I can only describe as genetics combined with a great sale.
My family, who's only real common worship of an identifiable belief can be summed up in: boating, coffee and Budlight, are COFFEE PEOPLE. Not: "espresso, must have the best beans, froofy " types either. Real, black, gritty down to earth Coffee People. And other than the a fore mentioned items, we are one of the most diverse of any family I know--and I like it that way.
All of my childhood memories are tied to coffee, the smell in the morning at our house, the sound of any one of my uncles at Flaming Gorge noisily rummaging through camping gear to make a fresh pot to share, and even every Christmas morning bargaining with my parents to get out of bed in the wee hours by offering to make coffee if they would finally get up(usually at 3 or 4 am).
So it may be interesting to note that Doug and I have so far resisted getting our very own coffee maker to make our home complete. Long story short: I never felt the need to add yet another vice to my life and actually like to stop through the drive through at the local coffee shops for the occasional treat.
Yesterday though--yesterday when a very basic model was on sale for under 20 and some, coffee drinking, family tradition gene took over-- I caved.
So welcome to the family Mr Coffee! Here's to many good years and to low cal options after the initial newness wears off when I start gaining "coffee weight"
Yesterday was the end of what I can only describe as 4 months of mental agony and non stop stress. It was the perfect end to this story. Since the beginning everything has been so stressful, on edge and uncertain. If it is not one thing it is another--contractors, insolvent lenders, timelines new guidelines, bad moods of underwriters, incompetent brokers, failing banks: you name it, we've slogged through it and it has been intense.
I was beginning to wonder if we were indeed supposed to give it up and buy a McMansion in Draper and live happily ever after and resign to a life of Diet Coke sippin', 5.5 kids rearin', SUV driving neighbors(no offense--to most, this is what is considered the "good life") I have tried living in the burbs and found it isolating and mind numbing--I just don't fit in--THE END
Call me selfish, call me stubborn, call me narrow minded but I have found where I think I belong and I was devastated that I might not be able to buy the ONLY home that I have liked that has more than one bedroom(believe me we have looked for over a year)
Yesterday our lender called to tell me we would have an answer by no later than noon--so I prepared for the best and the worst and by 4 pm still didn't have an answer. Since we have lived here whenever I get down, have a big decision to make or just need company I head down to Carlucci's--our neighborhood bakery/eatery/coffee joint--So there I just sat, and waited, and read and took in the surroundings, the people, the rain and how much I wanted to stay. Then, almost on cue, my phone rang--it was the broker telling us that we could close Friday at 5---I hung up, breathed deep and closed my eyes: Finally an end, and a good one.
In hindsight on the days when I want to give it up and move to Draper(or Sandy) this process and the long hard battle will serve to remind me that this is what I wanted--more than almost anything!
PS Moving Party on Saturday--unless of course all of my WONDERFUL friends and family from the burbs have finally disowned me--Can't we agree to disagree that I hate your cities but I love you? C'mon! :)
This weekend Doug and Tom went on their first biking trip of the year to St. George. Which left us to our own devices so we took full advantage! We: Ran 3 miles, got a massage, had breakfast at One World Cafe, went to a movie, had tea at Beehive Tea Room, hiked in Millcreek Canyon and much more! Thanks for a fun weekend Les! Maybe the boys won't leave us again (evil laugh)
I often tell Doug that if only he could have met my Grandma Bench he would understand me on a whole different level. She was beautiful, vain, crass and had amazing taste. She gave me my first taste of coffee, vodka(she said so we wouldn't like it) and eating dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon. Whenever my sister and I would stay with her and my Grandpa they would have "supper" at about 4:30 or 5 at night and we just thought that was very strange! Now, as Doug and I get into a schedule of sorts we are attempting to eat an earlier dinner(when he gets home around 6 ish) and I can't help but think of my crazy, beautiful, talented and crass grandma saying: "I told you so you little shit!"
1. I hate action movies--I get bored by all the explosions they are so predictable 2. My sister and I were bitter enemies growing up but now are best friends 3. I still haven't figured out HOW I managed to snag my husband but I still feel a little sneaky(and am convinced he still hasn't figured out that he may have gotten the raw end of the deal) 4. I cry when I think of moving away from my tiny little loft 5. I believe my dog has taught me more about myself than almost anyone 6. I am a bleeding heart animal lover and animal cruelty makes me more angry than almost anything else 7. I hate accepting money and if given the choice would just photograph and find houses for free for people 8. I don't have a favorite color but lately have really favored turquoise for some reason. 9. I was in marching band in High School and played snare drum 10. I have never broken a bone 11. I have been married for 5 years to my best friend 12. I hate wasting time-in any way-it makes me cranky 13. I love to be busy and have multiple projects at once 14. I love my inlaws-really no joke 15. My parents are the most honest and hard working people I know-I love them! 16. I live by the mantra: "there is no substitute for hard work" and "no regrets" 17. I have traveled to England, Thailand, China, Canada,(all in 2008!) 18. TV and craigslist are my vices 19. i keep a journal 20. I love, LOVE summer! 21. Yoga is my fav workout 22. I am not so understanding with flaky people 23. I am totally into eating and buying local 24. I have an unnatural attachment to my blackberry 25. My currant obsession is middle eastern affairs
Doug and I aren't big into decorating, drinking eggnog(unless there is vodka involved) or caroling but we have been searching for something that does fit our style to celebrate the holidays. (since my mother is now grieving due to of my apparent lack of obigitory decorated dying plant in my 500 sq foot loft because she is afraid that I am an atheist) *sigh* This year, after a 2 year hiatus(which involved my mother actually delivering a decorated tree to us last year) we decided on a small rosemary tree that we later "cut down" to have fresh spices for our dinners YUM!
Additionally: after 5 long years of frantically Googling on Christmas Eve to try to come up with a way to make our night together one to remember, this year it came to me :)
So, our holiday tradition was born. Please feel free to steal or borrow any part for your own family!
Weber Family Box Eventual Contents: *Snugly blanket(when I find the PERFECT one I will add it) Description of the Perfect blanket: Soft, BIG(so our who family can fit) made out of something washable, the PERFECT COLOR RED(for those that know me, this is especially important) *Mix CD: this is next year's project but I would assume that it will include a lot of Neil Diamond (what my mom played NON STOP during the holidays) and Manheim Steamroller (Doug's family) mixed in with some more contemporary favorites and choral music. This is so we can play this OVER AND OVER incessantly. If we have children they too can experience arguing with their spouses over what "real" Christmas music is.
Ah the joys of matrimony.
and Last but not least The Journals.
This is the part that I chose to tackle this year because it felt to be the most urgent. I searched and searched for the perfect books and finally found them here and here (I can't find the exact one on the website but this is close) Then I wanted to personalize them and make it clear what the purpose of the book was(both for currant and future generations) So I added these to the front cover and title page:
It reads: Douglas Weber Family est. 9/25/2003
Yearly Journal Started December 2008
Our intention is to not only document the years as they go by, but to learn where we came from, where we are going & to provide a vignette into how and why each person in our family became who they are, in a concise, artful and somewhat scientific way.
Each new year provides an opportunity for reflection and goal setting. We are borrowing from the Wayd Weber family tradition and making it our own with the addition of the journal and hope for them to be cherished family heirlooms.
Each member will have their own book to be written in each Holiday season, each year, as accurately and as thoughtfully as possible, to be preserved within these pages for generations to come.
Although we do not claim a religious affiliation The Douglas Weber family values honesty, hard work, generosity and above all else believe in the Golden Rule:
"do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
"A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both."
Family History
Douglas Michael Weber+Mickelle Heather Bench Weber Doug and Mickelle met in college at Utah State University in Logan, Utah Mickelle's Sophomore year (studying for her BFA in photography) and Doug's Junior year(studying for his BS in computer science). It was magic from the beginning! They dated for a year and a half, were engaged for 2 months, and then were married September 25, 2003 in Salt Lake City UT.
This tradition began in their 5th year of marriage.
then for the questions(I put them on the L so it would be easy to flip back and look at them while writing) Name:
5 years ago today we were married, we became husband and wife, Mr and Mrs Weber.
I have enough to say about the past 5 years being married to the most generous, kind and lets' face it-hot man in the world, but right now, inspired by Les and Tom's blog I want to tell you my cherished memories of our wedding day.
Many of my memories aren't just from the day of. Most of them come from planning. It all started by me announcing to my mom that we were getting married, in two and a half months, while Doug talked to my dad. My parents were their normal, supportive selves and my mom's only thought was exactly HOW I thought we could throw together such a celebration in such short notice!
Doug proposed at the sight of our first kiss(on the A at Utah State) and with the help of Tom and Les(who weren't married yet but have always been there for us whenever we need even today) I was so shocked when the fire lanterns surrounding the A were meant for me!
We told Doug's parents and they were excited for us! Then we proceeded to call each and every member of our extended family....everyone told us how excited they were-that meant so much to us both!
Now it was time for the flurry of planning, registering, shower attending and well-mayhem! I was living in Logan and starting my senior year at USU at the time so my mom was my master planner! She really did make everything possible!
Through the whole planning process Doug and I had budgeted out each item and carefully decided how much we were willing to spend. We were pretty successful but when it came time for the dress I found "the one" and it was WAY out of the budget. I called Doug and he responded simply: "if that is the dress then get it--I want it to be perfect!" I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his response-I felt like the luckiest girl in the world!
As the day grew closer there were showers to be attended hosted by my wonderfully talented sister Leslie and my best friend Jen. Both were amazing and I felt so lucky to be surrounded by those that I love most!
The night before the wedding we had our rehearsal dinner hosted by Wayd and Alice(Doug's parents) it was so much fun! Once we finished Doug took me back to my parents house and we talked for awhile with Rosie and Kevin and my family....it all seemed so surreal and I couldn't believe my wedding day was actually here!
The next morning everything was calm-dad made breakfast while mom did my nails and we just hung out and talked. As I was finishing last minute touches Mom and Les got their hair done and I headed to the mall. I know it is against the rules to be alone on your wedding day but I was and it felt right-it gave me time to realize what was going on and to think and to be happy and excited!
I went to get my hair done, came home and my mom and Les loaded my dress in the truck(all the while freaking out that it might get dirty) and I remember that my Dad insisted that he be the one that drive me, while Mom, Les and Mike came over in the car.
As we drove over to the reception center I don't remember anything we said but I remember that my dad did what he always does: he gave me some advice, made some small talk and told me that I would figure anything out that came my way. You see that is how my parents are-they tell you the theory or lesson and then throw you in to learn the reality all on your own- the wisdom in it is too magnificent for words.
Then it was time to get ready. Most things are a blur but the important parts are still there: Les making sure everything was perfect, mom trying not to cry, Doug arriving late because he was too busy averting disaster with the tuxes and rental car, and giving each of my bridesmaids a gift and letting each one know what they meant to me.(this was the only time that I cried at my wedding, which seems weird, but if you know me it makes sense)
Then it was time to go! I met my dad, walked through the sea of faces representing my past, present and future to Doug, who's tears mixed with a BIG grin reminded me of exactly why I was so lucky to be marring him.
We toasted, talked, danced we sang happy b'day to my Grandpa Bench(it really was his birthday)and finally left on our honeymoon, beginning a life that I can only describe so far as rich, full and while always changing-is always complete.
I will post a pic when we get back home in a few weeks-we have changed A LOT in 5 years!
